This  is hilarious - no wonder some people were offended! This is the message that the Pacific Palisades High School California staff voted unanimously to record on their school telephone answering  machine . This is the actual answering machine message for the  school. This came about because they  implemented a policy  requiring students and parents to be responsible for their  children's absences and missing homework. The school and  teachers are being sued by parents who want their children's failing grades changed  to passing grades - even though  those children were absent 15-30 times during the semester and  did not complete enough school work to pass their  classes.

The  outgoing message:

Hello! You have reached the automated  answering service of your school.
In order to assist you in  connecting to the right staff member, please
listen to all the  options before making a selection:

• To lie about why your  child is absent - Press 1
• To make excuses  for why your child did not do his work - Press 2
• To  complain about what we do - Press 3
• To swear at staff  members - Press 4
• To ask why you didn't get information  that was already enclosed in your
  newsletter and several flyers  mailed to you - Press 5
• If you want us to raise your  child - Press 6
• If you want to reach out and touch, slap  or hit someone - Press 7
• To request another teacher, for  the third time this year - Press 8
• To complain about   bus transportation - Press 9
• To complain about  school lunches - Press  0
• If you realize this is  the real world and your child must be Accountable and  responsible for his/her own behavior, class work,homework and that it's not the teachers' fault for your child's lack of  effort: Hang up and have a nice day!

Note to self: 'Cancel credit cards prior to death!

(ANZ is an Australia bank)
Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die! This is so priceless
and so easy to see happening - customer service, being what it is today!

A lady died this past January, and ANZ bank billed her for February and
March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and
Then added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had
been $0.00, now is somewhere around $60.00.

A family member placed a call to the ANZ Bank: 

Family Member:
'I am calling to tell you that she died in January.'

ANZ:
'The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.'

Family Member:
'Maybe, you should turn it over to collections.'

ANZ:
'Since it is two months past due, it already has been.'

Family Member:
So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?' 

ANZ:
'Either report her account to the frauds division or report her to
the credit bureau, maybe both!'

Family Member:
'Do you think God will be mad at her?'

ANZ:
'Excuse me?'

Family Member:
'Did you just get what I was telling you . . . The part about her
being dead?'

ANZ:
'Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor.'

Supervisor gets on the phone:
Family Member:
'I'm calling to tell you, she died in January.'

ANZ:
'The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.'

Family Member:
'You mean you want to collect from her estate?'

ANZ:
(Stammer) 'Are you her lawyer?'

Family Member:
'No, I'm her great nephew.'
(Lawyer info given)

ANZ:
'Could you fax us a certificate of death?' 

Family Member:
'Sure.'
( fax number is given )

After they get the fax:

ANZ:
'Our system just isn't set up for death. I don't know what more I
can do to help.'

Family Member:
'Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing
her. I don't think she will care.' 

ANZ:
'Well, the late fees and charges do still apply.' 

Family Member:
'Would you like her new billing address?'

ANZ:
'That might help.'

Family Member:
' Rookwood Memorial Cemetery, 1249 Centenary Rd, Sydney Plot Number
1049.'

ANZ:
'Sir, that's a cemetery!'

Family Member:
'Well, what the **** do you do with dead people on your planet?'