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Protectors:
Many of us are taught as young children that we should not fear because our Guardian Angel is there to watch over us. Which is true, I honestly believe that. But with me I have always felt there was so much more. I knew that my connection with certain animals had to mean something, and I knew deep down inside when the time was right, I would have a better understanding for that.
It was not until one day long time ago, I was watching a documentary about dolphins that something inside me clicked. I was well into my late 20's and I sat in front of that television as if I was glued to it. It felt as if I was in a mind-meld with the dolphins and it was too a point that I started to cry because one some spiritual level, I understood what these dolphins were saying. So I just knew that the dolphin was my Spirit Animal Totem, I just knew it!
In the drumming circle I was in, there were many women who also were considered Shaman's. To my surprise they even held healing classes that could help you find your Animal Totems and other classes too, but that is the one that captured my attention. I waited a long time after I found out that these ladies held the classes before I paid to attend one. In part because I just knew the dolphin was my animal totem and because I needed to save up my money.
The class I attended was pretty big. It was like a huge drumming gathering because we all brought our drums and raised the vibrations in the home like nothing I had felt before. There was a wonderful smudging with sage and sweetgrass, we all had our journals, blankets, or mats and found our spot and place on the floor that felt good to us. I do not remember how many ladies were drumming to take us into our journey, I want to say 3 or 4 but I am not sure if that is correct.
All of the students had to clear their minds and anchor their self and allow the drums to carry us into the Earth to the underworld (other realm) where our animal totems reside. I always loved this kind of journey because I entered the earth (spiritually) from the trunk of an ancient Oak tree and anchored a golden spiritual cord to the roots while I journeyed forward. Once and for all I was going to finally have confirmation that the Dolphin was my animal totem. While in this journey, we were told not to speak to anybody or anything. I was walking along a huge creek (in my mind's eye) and I see the most beautiful dolphins. They were huge, and there were three of them but they did not stop and tell me they were my Animal Totems. The ladies made a fast beat with their drums and that pulled us out of the journey/meditation state we were in. I wrote in my journal about my experience and walked outside to get some fresh air, my heart ached and I was so sad, because the dolphins I seen were not my totems. I wanted to get into my car and leave but I had paid too much money for this class so I continued.
The Two Tone Wolf
As the class continued, I entered the earth the same way as before. I was walking through the woods and seen this set of HUGE Timber Wolves. I asked them if they were my Animal Spirit Totems and they just turned their head to the direction I was suppose to walk. I walked over the hill pass them and there was this creature like I had never seen before!
It was the biggest wolf I had ever seen, and it kept changing colors. It would switch from being black and white one side, then switch to white and black on the other side. There was one solid black spot on the forehead of the white side of the wolf, and on the black side of the wolf on the forehead there was a white spot. Watching this wolf continually changing started to make me feel queasy. So I asked this wolf, "Are you my Animal Spirit Totem?" It nodded its head yes. So I asked it why it kept changing colors like that, no answer. I asked again, still no answer! The ladies on the drums made the fast drumming sound and I knew the time was up for this journey. Out of respect I thanked the wolf and turned and left.
The class decided to take a break and eat some lunch, so I grabbed my journal and went back outside and found a secluded area by a tree and leaned back against it. I did not eat anything but had a thirst that was unbelievable. I was writing about what I experienced, and I suppose I looked dazed or zoned out because the lady holding the class came over to me and asked how I was enjoying the class. I said it was okay, I was disappointed that the dolphin was not animal totem, and went on to tell her about the wolf. All she would do is sit there and smile! Grrr!! Finally she said, "WhiteOak, the yin-yang, the black and white, teaches us what? " Balance; was my reply. She got up and left me with that thought.
During our journey in to communicate more with our newly found Animal Spirit Totem I sat in front of my wolf and looked it straight in the eyes and once again asked it why kept switching colors back and forth. In my heart and with spiritual ears I heard this: "WhiteOak, you must learn Balance in order to do the things you must do. There are many helpers around you, and now I am with you, trust and believe in the Balance you are beginning to awaken." I reached over and hugged this wolf, and it finally stopped switching colors, when it settled it was completely black on side with the white spot and the other side is completely white with a black spot, hence the artwork I created.
The first three things I did when I got home that night was, light a black and a white candle, drew a design for a medicine bag and got a piece of clay and began molding it into a wolfs head. As odd as it may sound, to this very day almost 20 years later, I can still feel the fur from the hug I gave my wolf in my Shamanic Journey!
My Hawk Medicine Sometimes we are taught lessons in different ways!
I was standing in my kitchen talking to a friend on the phone. While I was talking to her, I was staring out in my back yard watching this beautiful nature scene. The neighbors chickens were clucking around the yard, birds were flying all over the place, squirrels were running here and there as if playing tag! Within a snap of your fingers, I seen this flash in the yard and then heard was this terrible screeching sound.
It shocked me, I told my friend I had to go and I hung up on her. I ran to the back yard and what was once this beautiful nature scene, turn almost dead still. I looked over and seen this small pile of feathers laying on the ground. I stood there and cried over this pile of feathers that once belonged to a chicken!
I went back into the house, got my medicine bag with cornmeal and sage, went back down to this pile of feathers and did a blessing for the chicken that the HAWK grabbed! I got a pile of feathers and brought them inside the house, wrapped them red cloth. I remember being so Mad at that HAWK! It came to me to take these feathers to drumming circle and give them out for people to place on their drums. All of this so the chicken could be honored!
The pair of Hawks who lived on my property in my trees, came after I spiritually invited them there. Later that afternoon, I was standing at the window again, and I heard this very gentle voice say to me, "WhiteOak, it is the cycle of life. The Hawk only needed to feed." So as much I did not want to understand that, deep inside my soul I knew the Hawk would not have killed that chicken just for the sake of killing it, but it did it because it needed to feed.
I know this may seem silly to some, and that is okay. I see life in such a sacred way, that regardless if it is alive, it is life, plus I had never seen anything like that before. So I know I was being taught a very important lesson on my own journey.
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